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1.    Make space for you
Suppose you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep for months.  If you can’t remember the last time you laughed with your friends.  If all you seem to do is work and look after the kids, your needs are not being met, and you need to make space for yourself.

You are entitled to space for you.  Making space for yourself is not self-indulgent; it’s essential.  Your well-being, energy, and confidence suffer when you have no space.  And that makes everything more complicated.

If it’s feeling almost impossible to make space for you, that’s when you need it most.  And yes, you might be longing for a week away, but if that’s unrealistic, carving out regular time for you in your daily routine will help.  Guide 5 takes you through the things we know make it easier to create space for you in your daily routine.

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2.    Where’s the friction, and what’s the cause?
As a working parent, you constantly navigate and balance competing needs and priorities.  You probably do much of this without even realising it.  Whether it’s making time to help with homework and still getting the report finished for tomorrow or listening to the challenges a colleague is facing even though you have to be out of the door by 3.

In your head, there’s probably a constant assessment and negotiation about the best way to get to the end of the day without you even noticing.  Because we often don’t notice we’re doing it, it can be a while before we realise its impact on us.  It can be very tiring and lonely as you do your best to manage the juggle through the day.

By sitting back and reflecting on where you’re experiencing friction in your day-to-day routines, you can begin to work through the root cause of this friction and where patterns might be emerging.  With this insight, you can start making adaptations and changes today that will reduce the friction you’re experiencing.

Guide 2 takes you through six steps to help you identify and tackle friction in your day in about 20 minutes.

3.    Where should you focus your energy?
You can’t change it all.  The childcare system is broken, your employer's paternity leave offer is a joke, the school sends five emails when one would do.  These things are a drain on you.  They make things more difficult for you.  But they often aren’t within your control.  

And that’s OK because we know the things that make the most significant difference are often those closest to home.  This doesn’t mean they are necessarily easier.  A conversation with someone close to you about how things need to change can be the most challenging.  But it’s the one that can make the biggest difference.

So, working through what is in your control helps you focus your effort and energy on the things that will deliver the greatest benefit to you today.  Guide 3 takes you through seven steps to help you focus your energy on what you can change in about 15 minutes.

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4.    What matters most?
Work out what matters most to you today.  You might be sitting here thinking, ‘But I know what I want,’ and that might be getting your flexible working request approved, finding a new job, or changing who does what at home.  

But getting what you want often requires a bit of give and take; getting your perfect solution is rare.  And if you know what matters most, you know where you can trade and where you can’t.  

So, if you know that, ideally, you’d like to start work at 9.30 and finish at 3, but actually, finishing at three is critical because there are different ways you can make the mornings work – then you are going into the conversation about how you could work flexibly, prepared and confident.

And if you’re sitting here and don’t know what you want, that’s ok. If it’s feeling overwhelmingly tricky, if your manager isn’t supportive, if you’re working crazy hours, if it’s always you dropping everything when the kids are sick.

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When you need things to change, working out what matters most shines a light on where to start.  Guide 1 takes you through six steps to help you work out what matters most in about 20 minutes.

5.    Have the conversation
When it comes to conversations about how you parent and work, these are some of the most important conversations you will have – they can feel daunting.  Sometimes, it might feel easier to keep going rather than have the conversation.

But there are times when you HAVE to have the conversation.  Whether exploring flexible working or rebalancing who does what with the kids, these conversations matter; you can prepare for them.

Preparing for these critical conversations doesn’t guarantee the outcome.  But it does help you get more comfortable articulating your needs, exploring joint solutions, and protecting your boundaries.  Guide 4 takes you through ten steps to help you prepare for a conversation that matters.

6.    Build connections
You are not alone.  But we know that many parents feel very alone.  And that’s not surprising.  With every moment of the day filled with work or kids, with the never-ending demands of our digital lives, time to stop and connect with the people around you, to feel seen and valued, can be few and far between.

But we know having meaningful connections with people keeps you well.  You can build these connections in any part of your life.  It might be related to your children or your work, but they can be the person you always see in your local cafe, weekly prayer meeting, or the 5-a-side football team.

And the likelihood is that they would welcome connecting with you.  So, stay open to the possibility of building connections in surprising places and who knows what joy and opportunities they could bring.  Guide 6 takes you through seven things parents have told us help them to build connections as a parent.

7.    Protect your boundaries
You are a precious resource and one that must be protected.  If your smartphone has too many apps running, the battery runs out, and the phone switches off.  Unfortunately, as humans, we don’t operate in the same way.  We keep going.  Spreading ourselves thinner and thinner.  Until we break.

So, in the absence of an off switch, you need boundaries.  You are entitled to boundaries.  These boundaries can protect your time – the meeting has to finish at 4 pm.  They can protect your energy – you can say no to the coffee with the person who always brings you down.  They can protect what’s important to you – all eating together on a Tuesday.

Your boundaries serve you.  Knowing where you need them and how to protect them is not a luxury – it’s your route to sanity and well-being.  And it starts with identifying the boundaries you have today.  Guide 7 takes you through four steps to help you identify and reflect on your boundaries in about 15 minutes today.

8.    Say hi to your inner critic
Have you ever noticed that niggling voice in your head that sometimes likes to commentate on things? When you spill a cup of tea, you might catch it saying: ‘You’re so clumsy.’   When you’re feeling sad, you might hear a voice sternly saying, ‘Pull yourself together.’ Many of us have this inner critic. 

It might remind you of someone, perhaps a stern authority figure from your past. It can feed your guilt, fill you with shame, and keep you stuck in a place of fear. 

Getting to know your inner critic and separating yourself from it is the first step to challenging it. The long-term goal is to work on replacing it with a kinder, more compassionate voice - like an inner guide or parent. 

Do you notice the voice inside your head?  We all have one, but it’s not unusual for it to have become so core to our being that we no longer hear it.  We no longer notice the words it uses and the tone it takes.  But it’s there.  And it has a name – your inner critic.  Guide 8 gives you four steps to start changing the conversation with your inner critic.

9.    Remember that it will change
We never arrive.  As a working parent, balancing competing needs and priorities never ends.  This may feel overwhelming, and whilst the word ‘journey’ might make you roll your eyes, that is what we’re all on.

The reason we never arrive is because change is inevitable.  Your family's and job's needs will change, career opportunities will emerge, and what matters most will continue to evolve.  

If we lean into this constant evolution, we open our eyes and hearts to the work we are always doing to adapt to these changes.  Some days, you’ll be very aware of doing this work or the need for this work.  And other days, you might have a moment to pause and reflect on all that you’ve achieved.  

By being conscious of this journey and bringing our whole selves to adapt to change in our lives, we build the confidence and skills to navigate whatever comes next.  So yes, it will continually change.  But you are ready, and all will be well.