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Guide 7

How to Identify Your Boundaries

The first step to having better boundaries is to identify the boundaries you have today. In this exercise, you identify the boundaries that protect your well-being and maintain healthy connections within your family and those you have to navigate your working life.

As a parent trying to meet the needs of those around you, your boundaries are often sacrificed. If that’s your situation today, go through this guide gently. It may stir up some unexpected emotions. Reach out to a trusted friend for support if you need it.

4 steps I Recommended time: 20 minutes I You will need: a notebook and pen

Step 1 Personal Boundaries

Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted for the next 20 minutes or so. This process is focused on identifying the boundaries you have in place today. You may be very aware of your boundaries, or you may realise that some of the ‘rules’ you follow day-to-day are, in fact, your boundaries.

Once you see your boundaries, you can work through where they need adapting and adjusting.

Let’s start by thinking about your regular day-to-day routine. Where do you have boundaries that protect your physical, emotional, and psychological health? For example:

“I give myself 30 minutes between work finishing and my school run to enable me to decompress and transition. This transition time is a boundary I need to protect.”

Write down those you have in place today.

Step 2 Family Boundaries

Family boundaries are rules or guidelines that help maintain healthy relationships and connections within your family. Reflect on the boundaries that are important for your family life. For instance:

“We have a no screen-time rule at the dinner table to ensure we connect as a family.”

Write down those you have in place today.

Step 3 Work Boundaries

Work boundaries are rules you use to navigate your work life with your personal life. These boundaries are essential for preventing burnout and maintaining your family's well-being. Here's an example:

“I do not check or answer emails between 6 pm and 8.30 am.”

Write down those you have in place.

Step 4 Reflect

Now, take a moment to reflect on the boundaries you've listed. Consider the following questions:

Are these boundaries clear and specific?
Are they realistic and achievable in your daily life?
Are these boundaries protecting your needs and priorities today?
Are there any additional boundaries you'd like to add to each category?

As you reflect, think about what needs to happen for you to stick to these boundaries effectively.

Remember that boundaries are there to support you in maintaining balance and well-being. They will change over time – as your needs and priorities change, as your children grow up, and your family's needs evolve.

Regularly reviewing your boundaries is an important part of keeping your toolkit adaptable as you navigate life as a working parent.