Guide 2

Step 1 Map out your typical day

Find a time when you’ll unlikely be interrupted so your brain can settle into the process.  This exercise takes around 20 minutes to complete.  Let’s begin.  Start by mapping out your typical day.  Get up, prep the school lunches, get the kids up, commute to work, team meetings, grab lunch, pick the kids up - whatever you typically spend your time doing, put it down. 

It doesn’t need to be 100% accurate; it's just a good enough reflection of what you tend to do.

Step 2 Spot the friction

Pause briefly, sit back, and think over the last week.  Where have you experienced friction in your day-to-day routine?  

This could be when you feel frustrated, angry, unappreciated, ignored, uncomfortable, or exhausted – friction can take many forms and differ for each person.  So, think of where things have felt more complicated than they needed to be.  Circle those you’ve written down as part of your typical day.  If there’s something that isn’t on the list, then add it.

Again, you don’t have to capture every single incident; if you’ve identified a couple or have easily got to ten or more, it doesn’t matter.  You’re beginning to build the skill of noticing friction in your day, which is your first step towards reducing it,

Step 3 Focus on one area

We’re moving on to the next stage.  Choosing one area of friction to focus your attention on.  

Write this at the top of the page – maybe it’s getting the kids off to school or the weekly team meeting.  

Then, describe how you feel and what you experience.  For example, “I feel cross that I have to remind the children to do the simplest things”, or “I feel frustrated that clear actions and responsibilities don’t come out of the team meeting.”  Whatever it is, write it down.

Step 4 The five whys

Now, we’ll use the five whys.  Have you come across this before?  This is an excellent way of unpicking the root cause of any situation.  All you do is write why five times down your page, equally spaced.  And then answer each one.

Remember, it’s only you looking at this piece of paper; trust the words that come to you – even if they’re surprising or uncomfortable.  If you can be honest, your actions will be far more effective because you address the underlying causes rather than the symptoms.

Step 5 Take a pause

You’ve answered your five whys.  Let’s take another pause.  You may have found step 4 easy, the five whys might be new to you, you might have uncovered some new feelings that you’ve not explored before, or you may have only gotten through 3 whys.  Wherever you are with it is ok.

As we move into the next step, you’ll be thinking about actions you can take to address the root cause you’ve identified.

Step 6 Identify actions you can take

Now it’s time to think through actions you can take to address the root cause.  Maybe you’ve identified that you hate being in a rush to leave the house – your action could be adjusting the times you work to in the morning.  Or maybe being given a piece of work at short notice makes it hard for you to manage your week – your action could be to proactively identify and confirm the actions you are taking away from the weekly meeting.

Whatever it is, write down the different actions you could take.  The actions can be simple.  In the long run, there may be more work to do to adapt your approach and influence those around you, but right now, look for the things you can change or try in the coming days.  Remember, there’s no such thing as a stupid idea; whatever your brain is coming up with, write it down and pick one you will try this week.

Step 7 Schedule a check-in

Well done! In a relatively short time, you’ve tuned into where friction is occurring, unpicked what could be the root cause of this friction, and zeroed in on one thing you will do differently this week to try and tackle the friction you’re experiencing.

All that’s left to do is schedule a regular check-in to keep track of your progress.  You’ve got your notes you can come back to at any time, and you can return to this exercise whenever you want to address friction you’re experiencing at home or work.